Relationship-Oneness.com

Free Relationship Advice, from Relationship-Oneness.com
This guy looks like he went through the wrong door, and ended up on stage when he was really just looking for the pool. Do you ever find yourself feeing out of place? I know I have, and at times it led to moments of anxiety where I would just walk out without finishing a conversation.

My Anxious Self:

I have to laugh at myself here a little bit because I’m known as somewhat of an entertainer, I’ve been on stage in a promotion role, entertained groups of people with magic, and have had thousands of people hear my voice live over the radio on a consistent basis. So I find it funny that today 5 years later, when in large crowds, I get all discombobulated and feel completely out of my element. I’m sure that if I was so inclined, it would be easy to find some pill to help put me in an apathetic state to ease my discomfort. But I don’t. Why? Because it seems to me that this experience of social anxiety is there for a reason, and to avoid the message means I may never gain insight into a deeper truth about myself.

I understand that some might do such a thing to take the edge off, and that’s fine, no judgment there; that’s not the point, hell, I’ve become great occasional friends with nicotine over the past 10 years. The point is to understand the discomfort as a message rather than a malfunction. It’s like when you get a tummy ache and reach for the acid reflux pill of your choice, ignoring the fact that your body may be responding to what you’re putting into your body. To cover up the symptoms with a pill, doesn’t necessarily mean your bringing healing. Not to mention, by ignoring the message you may be allowing more significant damage as you continue habits which create the painful responses.

Paying  Attention:

So as with this situation of feeling out of place, I like to pay attention to what’s going on and gain new perspectives. What I’ve noticed most of all is an awareness that says… “hey tiger, whose to say that you’re ’suppose’ to feel comfortable in these situations at all? Since when was it a requirement that you have to enjoy hanging out with others?” It’s kinda like the 3rd grader who cant sit still during math class, so we put him on drugs so he can be like everyone else. I realize now that when I find myself in these situations of having social anxiety, I have gained a greater acceptance for it and myself. I step out of my own mind and see myself responding, sometimes it brings a smile to my face to listen to my own thoughts and see how untrue they really are.

What I’ve learned over the past few years as I’ve moved away from being socially exciting to be around, is that our lives have seasons just like the world around us. The planet Earth doesn’t get all antsy because it’s snowing, or because she thought autumn wasn’t long enough, she embraces each new season with an awareness that says all seasons serve a purpose. After learning to accept feeling out of place at times, I’ve gained a greater appreciation for the quiet time I have. I began to see it with new eyes, not as something to be against but as something to understand; the decision to do so has added tremendous value to my life with taking on new tasks such as writing and doing Podcasts.

Advice:

So here’s some advice. If you are feeling out of place, and don’t like it, and just want to fit in, allow me ask, that you actually think about why it is you want what you want. Is it just a knee jerk reaction because your ego is bruised? Is there some external expectation you feel you must live up to? Is it possible this experience is in its perfect place? I’ll bring you back to my reference of the drugged up 3rd grader, there wasn’t an effort to understand that this child may have a different learning style, or isn’t a mathematician but an artist, their only effort was one of a knee jerk reaction based on social conditioning.

Now that I understand a little bit more about how and why I operate the way I do, I find myself being more willing to participate in social functions when I do go. Let’s not also forget the possibility that the anxiety is a real alarm going off that says where you are isn’t in alignment with your desires. There are times when I’m around certain people and I’m doing fantastic, but then around others I feel drained and lethargic; this too has been a great lesson, as it has brought new association into my life that’s more of a match for my life direction.

Conclusion:

How I deal with social anxiety is probably not the norm, and I’m okay with that because I see the real me making progress; I’m not conforming, I’m blossoming. If this is something you struggle with, I would caution you about labeling yourself as having a “disorder.” I know for me, if I did such a thing I would feel somewhat helpless and dis-empowered. Within the entire universe, there is no dis-order, only organized chaos; that which appears to be chaotic, actually contains a deep organization. It may appear to be completely disorganized and out of your reach, but the reality of it all is that within your experience there lies a truth that fully understands what’s going on.

If you are in a place where you rely on something to suppress the symptoms or help you to cope, the last thing I would recommend is feeling guilt about it. No wait, actually it wouldn’t even be the last thing, I would never want you to feel guilty about the decisions you make, but only to understand them more fully. Reach for conscious acceptance, and be intelligent about the choices you make.

This entry was posted on Thursday, September 17th, 2009 at and is filed under All Relationship Blogs, Health and Wellness, Personal Skills, Relationship with Self, Tiger Singleton. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.