Quick Tips – How to Overcome an Abusive Relationships
Free Relationship Advice, from Relationship-Oneness.com
Why is it that some of us feel the need to stick around in an abusive relationship? By relationships I mean with a parent, friend, partner, etc. What is your motivation behind ’sticking’ around? Do you feel as though there might be some sort of reward waiting for you? Or are you too scared to stand up for yourself and say enough is enough? What are the standards that you hold for yourself?
My Experience
I currently have a relationship with someone who is constantly mentally abusive towards me. This person lashes out and makes comments to purposely try and hurt me. I also want to point out that this person plays a pretty significant role in my life. It doesn’t feel good to have someone put me down almost every other day. So why do I put up with it? Here is what I have come up with;
- This person has become very good at saying they’re sorry which causes me to give in and act as though nothing ever happened.
- I then believe that next time will be different and I should forgive them because they said that they were sorry.
- I should give them the benefit of the doubt since they understand their error and continue on with this relationship.
- I also believe there is more pain in cutting off this relationship than there is staying.
After time, this way of thinking can really begin to dig a deep hole. For myself, I can understand giving someone grace if they understand how harmful words or even actions can be on a relationship, but when it’s an everyday day thing, begin to question if it’s even healthy at all.
Some of the things I’ve tried to help this relationship, have repeatedly failed. I have fought back, ignored it, I’ve been the ‘nice girl’, took on the role of a therapist, but ultimately I was still left to be this persons punching bag. I realized that I can not change this person, only I can choose what’s best for me. I have also learned that if I want to attract healthy relationships, I must stand up for myself and say enough is enough.
A Few Suggestions
The first question you should ask yourself is, “do I deserve to be treated better in this relationship?” And the answer is, “yes, you do!, if you choose. Stand up for yourself if your relationship is unhealthy. Leave if you have to. There are no rewards when you’re someone’s punching bag. It’s ridiculous to believe other wise. Be thankful for the experience that you have had with this person and then move on. Really, start running as fast as you can!
There may be a point where you miss them and feel a desire to go back to the way things were; and this is why setting standards for yourself is extremely important so you have something to go off of to keep you on track.
Tell yourself everyday that you are worthy of being treated properly. Know who you are and what you want. If you enjoy staying in an abusive relationship, then stay there. If you’re not enjoying it make the changes necessary to move on.
Once you begin to realize the abusive cycle within a relationship, make it a point to talk to that person and tell them you will no longer be involved with any sort of relationship with them. You don’t need to explain, (unless you feel like it’s best for you) because most of the time, an abuser is very aware of their actions. Talking with them could reel you back in or bring on a confrontation.
Self Worth
Remember how precious you are and how it’s very important to understand your ‘Self Worth’. You are the only person that will be 100% responsible for ‘You’ in this life. Set your standards high and watch how the most amazing relationships begin to form in your reality!
July 30th, 2009 at
In my life I have been there and done that, and witnessed it first-hand. The role of the abuser is to take and control the other person: emotions, life, feelings, etc. After time, the abusee begins to “believe” what the controller is telling them and therefore makes it hard to distinguish between the reality and “fantasy” world. I use the word “fantasy” as the world of the controller. It comes down to making a leap of faith when choosing to leave and finding the strength within to love yourself, again. No one deserves to be controlled by another, as there is no excuse.
July 31st, 2009 at
I LOVE this article Dawn… wow! Back in december I finally got the courage to cut off ties with my biological “dad” .. It was such a long road of trying to forgive and forget. .. however how is that possible when things are constantly getting thrown in your face that you did wrong years ago, as a child. To make a long story short I realized the hate and anger he lashed out against me was actually his own SELF hate for being unhappy within himself. I am sad for him as a human, however my life is much less complicated and abused with his absence. On the days i think i miss him I remind myself that I nor any one deserves to be talked down to like that and unless he changes within himself theres nothing I will gain out of a relationship. I also like to remind myself of the positive and inspiring people i do have like my step dad and sooo many others…. those are the people that DESERVE my energy!!