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Free Relationship Advice, from Relationship-Oneness.com
Most of us woman/teens experience PMS to some extent in our existence.  I have experienced PMS and the emotional ups and downs for about the last sixteen years.  (Hey Men, you don’t have to leave this article, I promise it won’t be a bitching session!)  I give Men the utmost respect for still sticking around! “Thank You” to all the Men out there that have been patient and understanding, including my husband! However, I personally believe through my experience, that us woman can take 100% responsibility for our moods and actions during this time.

Coming to Reality

Why do woman have these freakish emotions a week before or during a menstrual cycle? The emotions I am talking about are irritability, fatigue, rage, depression, feeling insecure, etc. The list goes on but these are some of the major ones I experience. On the physical side of it I tend to have bloating, cramping, oily skin, sugar cravings, and sometimes crying spells for no reason. Woman’s hormone levels get all out of wack and it seems to screw with your reality and how we tend to perceive life.

This can be a very difficult time to have self control! I know this because I experience it every month.  Since I have been choosing to live consciously, I stopped blaming every action and emotion I experience, on my period. I would count the days leading up to my cycle so I could have something to blame for the way I was behaving, hmmmm does that sound familiar to anybody?  Did you read that last sentence carefully? If not, please go back and reread it! This is so important to point out, “blaming something else for my actions, the actions I’m choosing to make.”  This is saying, “I have no control over my actions or emotions.” I hear woman say quite frequently, “I am so miserable during my time of the month, I go off on my children, my husband, and even the dog! I wish I wasn’t a woman. Men have it so good, they don’t understand what it’s like to have PMS.” Again… sound familiar?

My PMS Experience

A couple days before my menstrual cycle would begin, I became extremely moody and very over reactive. Everything in my life seemed to be under a magnified glass times a hundred. Literally, this was my time to bitch about the messes my family would leave around the house for me to clean up and how everyone took me for granted; as if I was there personal maid. I would get so worked up over the littlest things, such as; one of my family members chewing there food too loud or chewing with there mouth open, not closing the shower curtain, leaving a dirty dish in the sink, etc. I took almost everything personally and I felt like I was always being picked on.

It was hard for me to be the parent and wife I desired to be during this time. I was so frustrated, I would continually dread this time every month as if it were a death sentence. I would remind myself by the words I used of how much I hated life. It was also hard for me to function properly, my reality was so filled with delusional thoughts and actions. This all became to much for me and I was ready to experience something positive during my cycle.

Taking Full Responsibility

I don’t want to give the impression that I’m talking down about woman or our emotions, or am I suggesting that we should ignore the way we feel, I’m just pointing out the constant words that we use to remind ourselves of how nasty our time of the month is. Words are very powerful, especially when we repeat the same thing over and over again, this then creates a belief that we have about ourself.

I remember when I became aware as my menstrual cycle was peeking around the corner, how drastically my moods began to change and the way I responded to people. I knew right then and there that I was responsible for changing this endless cycle, or so it seemed to me at the time, of a negative experience every single month. I was no longer willing to allow my emotions to take over and dictate my experience.

Giving Yourself Permission

First I accepted that I had these feelings during my period for a reason. I came up with the idea that this would be my ‘Resting Period’. I gave myself permission to take a nap if I felt tired, zone out for a couple hours and read a good book, stay silent if I didn’t feel like talking (especially if you have nothing positive to say). I would also change up my daily schedule with things that are high in energy and help me to focus. For an example, recently I have really been enjoying the great emotions I experience when I write. Why? Because I’m able to take the focus off of myself and put it towards something that gives me so much in return. I am then able to forget about how bad I feel during my cycle. I’m not avoiding my feelings, I’m accepting them and then finding new ways to create a better experience.

When you ‘Give Yourself Permission’ to take a break, you notice that you have a little more time for yourself so you can focus your energy into something you truly enjoy; and this helps to raise the serotonin levels in your body which creates happier feelings.

Taking Care Of Yourself

Do you get any exercise during your menstrual cycle? I know that I enjoy exercising regularly, but during my time of the month I tend to fight the urge to stay home. But I know how much better I feel during and after my workout. I would encourage you to do something active, like; go hiking, go for a walk, take out that workout video you have at home and put it to use, ride a bike, etc. Exercise really helps with cramps, raises your serotonin levels, you feel better about yourself, and your able to think more clearly.

During this time it is also very important to have a healthy diet high in fruits and green vegetables. I know it’s easy to grab a bag of cheetos or some m&ms since us woman have ridiculous cravings, but foods high in fat and unnatural sugar tend to make you feel even more lousy. Take notice how you feel after eating a big green salad as apposed to a slice of cheesy pizza. I would bet that you feel better and notice the difference right away. I’m guilty with dipping into the candy jar myself, I have a tough time eating healthy during my period. I love going to the store to get a big bag of m&ms in the bulk section to fulfill my chocolate cravings, but after I eat them I feel horrible because I ate way to many of them. So try out different, healthier, foods to help balance your moods.

Communicate With Your Partner

Ask your partner when it would be a good time to sit down and explain some of the things you go through during your menstrual cycle. Side note; don’t wine and complain during this session, the men hear it all quite frequently and remember you’re taking full responsibility! When explaining your experience to him share how you feel during this time, this gives him a chance to understand you better. Let him know that you’re aware of the way you react to things and share a few examples of times you were reactive and how you’re able to see areas of growth in those experiences. Ask him to help you by taking the children, if you have any, for a couple hours so you can go do something you enjoy.

I communicate with Tiger and let him know that my menstrual cycle is right around the corner so that he knows if I’m being extra quiet, there is nothing wrong with me; then he knows not to continue asking me if I’m ok. Tiger is very supportive during this time because we both communicate with one another openly. I also believe it’s easier for a partner to be more supportive when we choose to grow through this experience. It shows them that we control our emotions, they don’t control us.  If they choose not to suport you, remember, you are still the one taking responsibility.

Conclusion

Your time of the month doesn’t have to be dreaded, just learn new ways to embrace it! Find what works for you. If you’re tired of having the same experience every month, it is ultimately up to you to take full responsibility to change it. Remember, the words that you speak are very powerful, so anytime you want to complain, try giving someone a compliment instead. You might be thinking, “God, I’m so tired of doing the dishes all the time. Why can’t someone else in this house do them for a change?” Instead try saying, “I really do appreciate you guys helping me to keep our house looking spectacular!” By saying this, it encourages not only yourself to think better thoughts, but for your family members to naturally wanna help.

Please feel free to share some of your fun experiences on this topic with me, Men too! I would love to hear an experience you have had with your partner and I’m sure Tiger will enjoy reading it too! Enjoy creating the change that you desire for yourself!
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This entry was posted on Thursday, July 2nd, 2009 at and is filed under All Relationship Blogs, Dawn Singleton, Marriage Relationships, Women Issues. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.