Are You a People Pleaser? entry 004
Free Relationship Advice, from Relationship-Oneness.com
Releasing the thoughts that people held about me was the most freeing emotion I have ever experienced. Are the thoughts that others hold about you, your reality? Or theirs? Have you ever thought about that? Think about this for a moment, are you living up to your standards or someone else’s? The truth is…I had plans to write a completely different article today, but I have gone through some crazy emotions the last couple days and I have to be honest, my ego felt a little bruised. I’m so thankful that I had the chance to experience these emotions because they gave me a better understanding of myself and how we all as individuals perceive life so differently.
Bruised Ego
The last couple days I have received messages either by text or a phone call stating that I have hurt a few people in my life. I’m not going to use any names because I don’t feel like it’s necessary. These people expressed to me that they feel like they’re a burden to me since I’ve told them that I am really busy in my life right now. So I have received some pretty heated messages/phone calls from them lately expressing to me that they don’t know me anymore or I don’t know anything about them. Because of these messages, I naturally wanted to fight back and point out all of the things they were or weren’t doing. I wanted to place blame right back on them and defend myself. I felt so much anger and resentment towards them, feelings that I honestly have not felt in a long time. I couldn’t believe that I was allowing myself to get soooooo pissed off.
In some cases I knew I was being reactive, I even got into a yelling fight with one of them. I normally refrain from bringing myself to that point. I allowed myself to feed into the messages that were being sent, and eventually I started taking them personally. The messages were indicating that I was being selfish, self centered, and in denial. One of them expressed to me that they really needed me and that I should have known. I will get into this later on in the article.
The Need To People Please
I used to feel the need to please people so much that I honestly forgot who I was or what I wanted. I mostly did what others told me to do, never really making my own decisions. Because of wanting to please others so often, I don’t think I ever found out who I truly was till recently. Do you ever feel like someone else is living your life for you? Or do you walk around bouncing back and forth through your day never really feeling like it’s you? I have felt that way and I did for most of the 28 years that I’ve been here; I’m almost positive that most of us humans do.
I wanted so badly for people to like me that I was willing to run around all over the place, everyday, to make someone happy regardless of how I felt about doing it. Because of this, it gave me no time to discover myself and the things that were hiding deep down inside of me waiting to surface. My relationships were good, but I was exhausted and left unfulfilled at the end of the day. Don’t misunderstand me, I think it’s important to nurture relationships with people and help others when their in need, but when we experience strong resistance when doing so, we should ask ourselves, why?
Answering The ‘Why’
Obviously the resistance was there for a reason, my higher self was trying to get my attention, I had just failed to see it. I finally asked myself, “why am I feeling such a strong resistance when I do things for others?” Here is the answer that I received, “because you’re trying to please people so much that your not happy. Just slow down, stay at home more often, feel the stillness and the beauty that life has to offer.” I replied back, “but isn’t that what life’s about, putting others before yourself?” The answer I received, “You must first grow yourself, then you can give freely to others.” Ah ha! Grow yourself first, then you can give freely to others! That was my answer and I was completely satisfied with that.
Finding Out What I Wanted
I began staying at home more often, reading, doing research on the internet, watching informational videos whenever I got the chance to. I enjoyed staying at home and learning new things! It was like going to school, only I was the one picking the topics! On the other hand, the people that were used to me coming around thought something was wrong with me. They weren’t used to this “Dawn” that stayed home. So in their eyes, I was just going through another one of my stages and I would eventually come out of it and some assumed I was just too busy for them.
When I gave myself more alone time, I noticed that I was figuring out who I was and what I wanted for myself. I stopped feeling bad if I didn’t make it over to visit with someone or run an errand for them. I told myself that it was ok to ‘Not Be The Dawn’ that everyone wanted me to be. I would wake up each morning asking myself, “what’s in store for me today? What do I get to learn? Could it be to live with less judgment and have more compassion and love for life?” This was a great way to start my day, it would open me up to be consciously aware of every action and emotion that I would have throughout the day.
Communication
Earlier in the article I had mentioned that someone had said to me that I should have known they needed me and If I didn’t know….. then I was in denial. I responded back by saying, “Wow, honestly I had no idea you needed me. This is very shocking to me.” Really, I had no clue! As the conversation went on I let this person know that I cannot read their mind, that they need to communicate with me and not just send me signals expecting me to catch on. This is why communication is so important. I have learned within the last year that we all have different ways of receiving and understanding information. Things can get so blown out of proportion when we just assume someone ‘Get’s Our Signals’.
I have communicated with the people that I love, what it is that I’m doing and why I’m not around as often. I understand that it is up to us as individuals how we want to interpret this. Some people might think that you don’t like them anymore, or you’re just selfish, or they might be really excited for you and understand that life gets busy sometimes depending on the path you’ve chosen.
Conclusion
I really believe that when I was trying to please people all the time, it left no room for me to expand on my creative abilities. I was frustrated, thinking that I had no real talents, nothing to offer or to add value to the lives of others. When I shut out the ‘Noise’, I found out who I was and what I enjoyed. Yeah sure, you might have to hide out for a while, but it is so worth it! Now that I take the time to grow myself, I am then able to help others without experiencing resistance.
I hope you received some good information from this article and if you would like to comment on this post, please feel free to do so in the comment box below!
Thank you so much for the time you took to add value to my life!
Back to the Top?
Tags: The Ego -