Relationship-Oneness.com

Free Relationship Advice, from Relationship-Oneness.com
Audio
This Blog Post is a Response to Dawn’s “Shocking Parenting Advice From A Non- Parent; creating happy mornings with my children” written a couple days ago, please find time to read it – preferable before you continue

Hearing Dawn every morning scream at her girls, was something I would silently laugh about as it woke me up without fail in the morning. I guess it was the third party perspective that made it so easy for me to understand the dynamic of what was going on and how one might change the outcome.

5 years ago, Dawn’s perspective on life was dramatically different from how she sees the world today, as was my own. Her core belief stemmed from the idea that life was reactive, and everything that went on around her was a result of it’s own doing and she had no influence over her experience with it. The best evidence for this, was her constant blaming in the morning.

Blaming Others and Growth

People who don’t grow, are people who spend much of their time blaming others. People who do grow rapidly, are the ones who begin to take responsibility for their life experience, realizing that life is not reactive at all – but proactively-holistic in nature. There is a light bulb that turns on that says “wait!, there something going on here… maybe my influence is greater than what I originally thought it to be.” I think eventually one comes to realize the “influence” as absolute; meaning, I am 100% responsible for what goes on in my life, and in some way… I create each painful and joyous experience.

I would hear the same phrases over and over again coming out of Dawn’s mouth each morning. Sometimes it would be soft, and other times it would be at the top of her lungs, but without fail the conversation always pointed to someone else for the discomfort she was experiencing. Quietly I would hear her whisper “it’s like this every morning, why do you have to be soooo difficult, you guys are little brats.”

It’s amazing how impressionable the minds of children are. If you repeat something often enough, they will believe it with great and increasing enthusiasm. From my wife’s perspective, at the time her lack of responsibility for what she experienced resulted in the irresponsible way she used words and emotion. Not realizing that as she spoke, there was a creation process lined up to give her what she desired, or what was consistent with her focus. The stronger the emotion, the more powerful the words, and the more solidified her negative experience became.

Reflection

Let’s look at her statement above a little closer.

• “It’s like this every morning.”

Self fulfilled prophecy Her mind truly believed this, so… this is what was created to keep her reality in line with what she believed. If you haven’t noticed yet, the life we create stays in line with what we believe about the world and ourselves.

• “Why do you have to be soooo difficult”

Try and see the message this sends not only to Dawn’s heart, but also the hearts of her children, specifically “have to.” In essence, it’s not that we are expressing a desire for our children to act differently, we are flat out telling them… “this is the way you are, you “have to” act this way.” So without fail, in this case Tia and Braya followed through with the impression placed on them by their mother. Also should point out the blaming going on here, it’s pretty evident, as you will see in most situations where you feel powerless.

• “You guys are little brats.”

This last comment was for good measure like almond shavings on a fruit bowl. If we desire for our children to recognize themselves as naturally empowered, meaning within them is the ability to love and do good, I would recommend not helping them identify themselves as “brats.” It deepens the illusion for everyone when we label each other and attempt to put anyone inside a box – as if that’s who they really are.

The progress here is made when we make an effort to see situations in their highest light or highest truth, and act consciously in the moment so we are not to succumb to knee jerk reactions which create pain. Dawn simply wasn’t acting consciously in the mornings, she was operating in a cycle where she felt helpless. But then something amazing happened!!!! She began to take responsibility and seek new ideas to grow beyond what it was she consistently experienced.

Growth

She’ll give me some of the credit and say it was my understanding that made the difference, but I would laughably disagree. My input was a natural occurrence in life that goes on all the time, she just happen to be in a place where she was ready to change. All around us, life is helping us to grow; or I should say willing to help us grow. It can only assist when we are willing ourselves, and as you may have read in Dawn’s blog entry, to do so we must lay down the ego and show the universe we are ready to grow.

You know what’s awesome, is if you’re not ready to grow, then that’s okay. Just a quick note; don’t ever feel like you have to do something, when we are in this emotional state we create tremendous amounts of resistance and only drive ourselves towards guilt and fear, which ultimately does nobody any good.

I would encourage you to create strong desires and strong preferences, but stay clear of strong “have to’s.” One is a trap ignoring free will, the other is an opportunity created in freedom.

Conclusion

The reason Dawn was able to make this huge step in her life, is not because I was their to point it out, but because she was simply ready to grow and the expression of guidance was perceived as coming through me. I was and am to this day, thankful for being a continual vessel to encourage and assist any growth she desires to take on. I see it as a true honor, and I am blessed for the opportunity.

It’s easy to blame our children for how we feel emotionally; I see it as only a lack of communication with self. When I blame them, it means there is a greater responsibility to grow into that which will teach me more about who I really am. I don’t know about you, but that excites me! To learn more about who I am, to understand my potential, and to discover more ways to create joy in my life.

When these times of ‘blame’ arise, don’t see it as a reason to experience guilt, put a smile on your face and go “ahhhhhh something to learn about. My higher self is trying to teach me something that will help me create my desired experience.”

If for some reason you believe your situation is different, and those answers aren’t as obvious as Dawn’s were, then you simply haven’t taken responsibility yet and might be missing my point. My apologies for not communicating effectively

The answers are there, they are always there. You don’t even have to necessarily go looking for them, they are always present in every moment. It’s about taking responsibility and being conscious in your life experience; you will see them, it’s inevitable.

Back to the Top?

Tags: blame -, growth, responsibility -

This entry was posted on Thursday, June 18th, 2009 at and is filed under All Relationship Blogs, Parenting Relationships, Tiger Singleton. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.